It's back - the depression. I felt it slowly seeping in after your VA appointment. Her attitude had made you angry and her lack of caring had pissed you off. All you wanted to do was talk to her about your PTSD, but to her you were just another appointment - just another vet to send on their way after answering her yes or no questions. You never even got the 5 minutes she promised at the end of your session to speak. So you left, even more closed off than you already were.
I knew it was coming, because it always comes in cycles, but she sent you spiraling. Now my word's fall on deaf ears and the blank stares and numbness are back. You don't want to do anything or go anywhere. You're worried she's going to take away your benefits and without them you'll have to drop out of school and find a dead end job to help provide for your family. The idea has consumed your thoughts.
It's unfair to have such a lack of instability; of unknowing. It's been two years since you've been medically retired and you've just now settled and became comfortable in your path to become a nurse so you can help other veterans like you. Now you're having to deal with the idea of it all changing..again. And to top it off, not even a week later the Army called about your re-evaluation of your TDRL and you may have to travel to Colorado, but they don't know when.
I just wish so hard that I could help and I pray everyday for God to show me how, but you tell me there's nothing I can do - that you will make it through just like all the other times. So I will patiently wait, holding your hand in silence waiting for you to come back to me.
